Hangovers & headaches inspire sober realities.

On September 1st I quit smoking. 3 years, 1/2+ pack a day. Nothing to be proud of, it's still difficult nonetheless. I had thought about it before, convinced and swearing that "someday" I would do it, I'd do it because I loved someone else enough, and I'm trying again, but this time it's different, this time I love myself enough.


"I've heard it said.
That people come into our lives.
For a reason.
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead.
To those who help us most to grow.
If we let them.
And we help them in return."


In the empty moments of this summer to I found myself realizing how much I thrived off addictions. Conveniently I never had to stand alone, if not one, another was available, someone (he) was always single, and someone (I) always indulged in distractions. Feeling preoccupied became the easy excuse for overwhelming emotion. The quick fixes that quickly ruined everything and I never had the confidence to realize how empty I'd become behind the charade. I could never understand what exactly was making me so unrealistically unhappy. Then someone pointed it out. How simple. I would never have known.

This Monday I drove. I tried to photograph again, but never let myself breathe slowly enough to see through the images. But I drove. And I let myself be completely alone. Forever my daydreamer's therapy.

I am going to sing again.
I am going to be happy.
I have so much to do.